Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
