Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
