Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
