Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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