You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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