I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
