p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
