I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
