Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
