you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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