fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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