Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
