Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
