She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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