If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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