I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
