Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
