if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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