after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
