i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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