if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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