I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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