ugly people sure do ruin things
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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