Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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