Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
porn star boner night. come get it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky