Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?