Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."