I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit