i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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