i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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