How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i came on her dog
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
