yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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