I can text with my tongue
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
