opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
