Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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