I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize