I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm getting married
To pizza
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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