Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
