Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
