theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.