Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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