I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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