I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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