I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
