i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
