oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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