I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
