my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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