JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
