you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
