YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
