dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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