Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
