So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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