I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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