omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
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