nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
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