I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
