Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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