I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
