Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
