my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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