it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
My balls are so social today.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
