butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Pooping to opera.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
