the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
