just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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